Couples Therapy
You’ve tried everything…
You’ve tried active listening…
You’ve employed all the communication skills you’ve learned…
You’ve extended olive branch after olive branch…
But nothing seems to work.
It’s so complicated…
Either you constantly fight over the smallest things – or you don’t fight… and hardly talk.
“I can talk to my friends. Why can’t I talk to my partner?”
“We used to feel so connected. Now, it’s like we’re roommates.”
“Why is everything such a big deal? It’s all so emotional.”
The more you reach out to your partner, the more they back away.
You’re desperate to escape this dance but don’t know how.
Why emotions are so intense in romantic relationships…
This drive to emotionally attach – to find someone to whom we can turn and say, “Hold me tight” – is wired into our genes and bodies. It is as basic to life, health, and happiness as the drive for food, shelter, or sex.
Adult romantic love is an attachment bond, like the one between mother and child. That’s why it engenders such intense emotions.
Loving human connection is more powerful than our basic survival mechanism: fear.
Emotional dependency is not immature or pathological; it is our greatest strength.
Love is vital to our existence…
That’s what you’ll learn in emotionally focused therapy for couples. Our approach to healing will be based on a revolutionary, optimistic, and practical perspective on romantic love.
Creating connection…
We’ll prioritize processing emotions and your current dance.
You’ll learn how that dance reflects you and your partner’s deepest needs and fears.
When you see the spiral you’re caught in, you can change the dynamics.
Improving communication…
Have you ever tried to communicate with your partner when you really wanted to punch them, run out of the room, or shut down?
If so, you’re normal! That’s what we do when our body thinks it’s in danger. It goes into fight-flight-freeze mode. Our body doesn’t know if a tiger is chasing us, we are having life-saving surgery, or we are trying to communicate with our partner. Yes, even a conversation with our partner can activate the more primitive part of our brain seeking to protect us.
You aren’t doing anything wrong when this happens. You aren’t willing or telling your body to protect you. For your body, it’s just about survival.
Rather than learn communication skills, you’ll learn to ground your bodies so that you feel safe. That’s how you’ll change the pattern!
Introducing somatic therapy…
Sometimes there aren’t words to describe what we are feeling, and sometimes we don’t know what we are feeling. That’s okay.
Grounding work can help you operate from a place of calm so that you’re not triggered by certain conversations.
I’ll offer you various exercises, like observing your breathing in given situations, which you can do as individuals or as a couple. Learning about each other’s bodies is a powerful way to reestablish your intimate connection.
If that sounds uncomfortable or awkward, it might be because you’ve never done it before. Remember, all somatic work is a suggestion; you never have to do anything you don’t want to do.
There is hope for your relationship.
But you’ll need tools and education to reestablish a safe, secure connection.
We are never so fulfilled as when we allow ourselves to be vulnerable and receive love.
You can do this!
And I’m here to help. Call now and let’s schedule your free consultation: (480) 677-1198.